setting boundaries. We all know we should do it. We want to do it. So why is it so hard? Sometimes I'm Mendhi Audlin, the founder of The What If UP Club and today on the what if it all goes right podcast, you're gonna get some great ideas, some inspiring possibilities. And maybe you live in create a new vision for what is possible in your life, what it could look like when you set healthy boundaries. So my guest today is Andrea legato. And Andrea is an expert in NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming. She is hypnosis coach and a psychological counselor who dedicates her life to helping people overcome overwhelm fear, shame judgment. Andrea, thank you so much for joining us today. Why do you think it is so hard for so many of us to set healthy boundaries?
I believe because we are not used to it. And we humans are creatures of habit, and we take it as long as the pain does not become strong enough. So we have to have a look on it.
Do you think it's something that people have to learn setting boundaries? Yes, I
believe a lot of people have to learn setting boundaries. And with this also being clear about the own needs and wants and desires and to communicate clearly not to send mixed messages when we say yes, although we mean no. And we say yes, but our body language and posture and voice is telling something different. So we are sending mixed communication out there. And by being clear in that so we can send a clear message others receive a clear message.
Yes. And so what is your background? What got you on this path of helping people set healthy boundaries,
I was also not used to set healthy boundaries for years until I was overwhelmed with it. And I had to learn to be consistent. And to start with little things, because too big will be a too huge ask for me at the moment. So I learned to break it down in little steps and to communicate clearly.
I love it. I love it. So what do you think is the impact when someone does not have healthy boundaries? How does that affect our life?
It gets us in an overwhelmed state. Some may feel anger as well, or will judge themselves for not saying no, if they mean no, it's surely in the long run, not a way we call to be happy by pleasing just other people and not taking care of ourselves.
Right? Share with us. What would you what are your top tips, if this is something that you're like, I know I need to set healthier boundaries, I just don't know how to do it. I have a lot of people who feel like it's not nice, I'm trying to be nice. And the consequence is I'm feeling resentful because I'm giving myself away. So what are some practical tips you can give us for how to have those healthy boundaries,
first of all becoming clear. And when a situation pops up in our life, and we realize that we were not able at that point to set healthy boundaries. So taken note and write it down. Have a look on what happened exactly what were my thoughts to it? How have I felt, when was this happening the first time in my life? And how will they like to have it in future and which little steps I could do and then going it through in your mind by seeing how that will be or asking myself Okay, which resources will they need in this situation than example, we can imagine we have strong warrior behind us who is going to give us the power we can do that. And we just imagine how we have a strong friend in our present and how we do the way we want to act and like future pacing to see a future probable situation and how cool they acted and by imagining so our brain cannot distinguish either we are imagining it or either we are real living it. And so when the next time such a situation we'll come away more prepared to act properly, as if we have not went in our mind the steps before but if we feel afraid or so and we can imagine that we have a strong friend who is giving us security to take the first step. So we are invited to do so.
I love that what do you think is possible for people when we start doing that when we start stepping into some of these practices and stepping into that courage, what is the benefit and what is possible for people when they can set those clear boundaries
they gain back the power much of their power back and by having much power we are more in the position often more likely to give something back to the world.
So one of the things that we always do as we close out our episodes is we step into what if possibilities for me as I'm listening to you, the possibilities that come up for me is what if every time we're in relationship with someone, we're clear on what we want, you know? And what if we feel really confident? Communicating that and knowing that it's okay, do you have any what ifs?
Yeah, will that be great? If that be our reality? Yeah, it will allow it to be open enough vulnerable enough to communicate clearly. Yeah, to be understood, and also being in the position of understanding others having an open ear for them. So I believe that our values, which are very great and amazing, and we are amazing human beings, and we are capable of living amazing, sometimes, there is something like, which is holding us back from it. But we may allow, what if we will allow ourselves to have an amazing life?
Yes, I love it. What if we allow that amazing life? That is fantastic. So Andre, how can people connect with you? If they want to work with you or learn more about what you do?
Yes, my email address is Andrea [email protected]
Wonderful. And I'm going to put that information in the show notes. Obviously, if you want to subscribe to this podcast, catch the shownotes go to what if up.org. And we also we're gonna be talking about this throughout the week in our Facebook community for our membership, and if you're not a member and would like to join us that website is what if up that org and I'll have all these links and all the contact information for Andrea in there as well. So thank you so much for joining us and sharing these tips with our community. What if this is the beginning of like a whole new chapter in in our lives where our relationships are healthier or happier and it's more fulfilling than Thank you, Andrea? Thank you for being here.
Yes, thank you as well for taking your time. I hope you found some value of ideas and what if you can start an really amazing life in any area of your career rains down to chase your dream
Transcribed by https://otter.ai